Daniel Kells

During this evening’s “Countdown with Keith Olbermann” on MSNBC there was a commercial for the “Doc Block.”

The “Doc Block” is two one-hour documentaries broadcast back-to-back most evenings on MSNBC.  They generally center around prisons, prostitutes and predators.  While it is mildly interesting seeing the motel that’s a couple of blocks from my apartment featured prominently on TV (”Ohh, look, it’s the hooker who’s always at the Wendy’s!”), I usually tune them out.

Anyway, here’s the commercial (forgive the crappy video):

And here’s the copy:

This December be of good cheer, it’s MSNBC’s recipe of premieres.  A doc-feast so sweet it’s a month-long holiday treat.  Colossal December premieres.  All the ingredients to end your year.  Seasons beatings from “Lock-Up: Extended Stay” to being naughty on “Conviction” day.  Deck the halls, be jolly, ’tis the season to be “Born in the Wrong Body.”  MSNBC’s Colossal December Premieres.  So good it’ll scare the Dickens out of you.

Two things going on here that are wrong.  One is all sorts of wrong, and the other is just plain stupid-wrong.

First, the stupid-wrong.  The commercial claims that we’re in for “colossal December premieres,” but “Born in the Wrong Body” has already premiered, back in April.  Wikipedia lists its broadcast date as April 22, 2007.  And while MSNBC’s site does not specify its exact original air date, it does have a long (and interesting, I might add) article about the documentary that was updated on May 3, 2007.  Additionally, there are a couple of blog posts and discussions about the show here and here.

Basically, not a premiere.  Which makes me wonder why MSNBC would put it into a commercial and claim it was a premiere.  Perhaps they were looking for something to rhyme with “jolly,” though I don’t think “body” is that good a choice.

But there’s also something that’s profoundly wrong with this commercial, specifically that final tag, the “it’ll scare the Dickens out of you.”

There are two great and informative episodes of This American Life featuring author Griffin Hansbury from back in 2002 and 2005 that capture very well the experience of being a transgender person (you can listen to the episodes for free here and here, they’re both quite good).  I also lived in Provincetown for a short period, and became acquainted with a couple of people who are transgendered.

There are many adjectives that can be used to describe transgendered people.  I’m not so sure “scary” would be on the list, and I certainly don’t think a documentary about five transgender youths will “scare the Dickens” out of me.  And I think it’s pretty nasty of MSNBC to imply that it will.

Oddly, I can’t seem to find any listing on MSNBC’s site for when the show will actually air.  Guess I’ll just have to tune in to the Doc-Bloc every night and hope that it’s not rioting prisoners or dogs that attack or pervy men trying to bang teenage cheerleaders but rather some transgender kids to scare me, because that’s what I’m looking for in my holiday programming.

I have a love/hate relationship with MSNBC.  I like most of the personalities that host their shows.  Olbermann’s great, Chris Matthews is energetic (though sometimes stupid, but whatever), Tucker’s a putz but a watchable putz, and Dan Abrams is a hottie (I generally don’t even hear what he’s saying…), but the network has gone overboard with the documentaries.  They call it the “Doc-block.”  Two hours of documentaries run back-to-back, twice a night, so that’s four hours of, basically, three things:

Lockup — looks inside prisons around the country;
Captured — follows police and coroners around the country; and
Predator — which catches child molesters in the process of hunting down prey.

There are lots of stupid things said on all three documentaries, so I will attempt to capture some of the dumber one-liners that the writers of these shows throw out there.

Here, for example, is a line delivered as a coroner was standing over a dead body on Skid Row in Los Angeles.  She had just arrived on the scene, this was her first time viewing the body.  The narrator said:

“Even though the man has a uniquely misshapen jaw, Julie still doesn’t know his name.”

Umm… okay.  It’s not like his jaw was misshapen to read “Bob” or “Jack,” no, it was just misshapen.  (For the record, it was reallllly misshapen, but that’s neither here nor there).

Anyway, stay tuned for more stupid blurbs from MSNBC’s Doc-Block.