…but funny enough for the rest of you, too!
This is Seth Meyers and Amy Poehler from Saturday Night Live giving Michael Vick the “Really” treatment.
Weekend Update "REALLY" With Seth And Amy - For more of the funniest videos, click here
And check out this link for an older post I did that included their Larry Craig “Really.”
Greetings, all. I’m at the airport waiting to board my flight to New York. The place is rocking tonight. It feels almost like a party that nobody wants to be at but that everyone decided to attend “just for a minute,” and damnit if we’re not gonna see it through.
I’ll be flying Virgin America for the first time this evening. We’ll see how it compares to JetBlue…
So here are a couple of things that just happened, along with some observations.
While in the line to get my boarding pass and ID checked, a woman, probably late 20’s (though this is LA, she could have been 45 for all I know), did this elaborate improv all in an effort to cut in line in front of me. And I had a front-row seat for the whole thing. The casual and distracted purse rummage, the fake phone call, the pretending to look around for friends (even though she’s traveling alone), etc. Saw the whole thing.
And the strange thing was, the line wasn’t moving. For the longest time the line didn’t move an inch (I was hoping Brad Pitt or Michael Jackson would come down the escalator).
So this woman attempted to rock her way into the line for 5 minutes. Finally, the line started to move, and I was left with a choice: to speak up, or just let it pass…
I chose the former. I mean, fuck her, right?
So I give her the benefit of the doubt (translation: I don’t give her an ounce of doubt, but I want to see her lie)… “Ma’am, perhaps you didn’t notice the back of the line is back there?” and she turns and snarls at me, then says with a vaguely French accent, “Oh, security, no English,” and turns away from me to face the direction the line is moving. But I’m not done and I say, “ma’am, I heard you speaking English on the phone a moment ago. Now I suggest you move to the back of the line.” And that gets a huge “harumphhh,” and some sort of leg-hip-knee-elbow spasm/pose.
And then she left the line and moved to the back of the line.
Now, of course, she’s on my flight. I’ll probably end up next to her.
Then, 20 minutes later, I go to the wildly overpriced deli and pay $6.10 for a bottle of water and a small fountain soda and sit down at a table to eat a sandwich from Subway (tuna on Italian w double swiss and extra tomatoes) and enjoy my beverage.
About halfway through my sandwich a guy walks by and asks where I got the Subway from, and I tell him that I bought it off the airport. He mumbles, “well, that’s not fair,” but he’s not kidding, he really thinks it’s not fair.
I go back to eating, but five minutes later he’s standing over my with a tray and he says, “tables are for customers, you’re gonna have to leave,” and I choose to ignore him. That probably wasn’t the right choice, because his tray’s shaking a little bit and then he yells, “please get the manager, this man is an intruder,” and I do my best not to laugh because either he’s mentally unstable and I don’t want to be rude, or he’s mentally unstable and I don’t want to get whacked with a tray.
The manager arrives pretty quickly and asks the guy what the problem it, and he points at my sandwich (not at me, mind you), and says, “this isn’t from here, this isn’t allowed in here.”
And I’m basically done with my sandwich, which is to say I’m full though still have some left, but I also don’t want to be forced from the table. But the manager says, “sir, these tables are for customers,” and he says it as I’m taking a sip out of what I think was a distinctly-designed cup, but it isn’t until I shake the cup gently and tell him that I bought the soda and a water from his counter that he backs off and tells me I can stay.
But I was done, so I got up and left, and as I was leaving the guy with the tray yells, “yeah, that’s right, go!”
Anyway, he’s on my flight too. Should be a fun trip!!
Oh, and one random observation. I always get jealous of traveling teams. All so healthy-looking, clad in matching track suits, protected by older and slightly rougher men in the same track suits (though not looking quite as good), all happy to be going wherever. Anyway, I always get a bit jealous…
Chris Dodd staged a bit of a filibuster yesterday in Washington, D.C., in an effort to keep telecom immunity out of a FISA bill. It’s rare that you feel exuberant about something a politician does, but this was one of those times.
Truthfully, I’m not sure who will get my vote in the Democratic primary, but I think Dodd deserves consideration.
To celebrate, a favorite moment from “West Wing.”
Brenda Dickson was on “The Young and the Restless” for years. And she did an info-mercial. I mean, who didn’t, right?
This clip’s a bit long, but pretty funny.
After a few minutes, check out this parody. Too funny.
Ahh yes, it’s the annual White House Christmas video, and it just makes me feel bad for those poor innocent dogs.
A few notes:
1. Bush’s jacket looks like it’s from the Smithsonian’s “Mid-80’s fashion” collection.
2. No writer was credited. That’s our government, doing its part to break the union.
3. Note that Miss Beazley is barely consulted as to whether or not she really wants to be a park ranger. I bet Barney beats her as well.
4. The Bush twins sounded a bit like they were making fun of Carol Channing (though maybe it could just be my crappy speakers).
5. How funny Tony Blair, credited as being “Bush’s poodle,” appears in the video with the dogs.
6. Say what you will about our government, the do decorate a beautiful Christmas tree.
7. The Secretary of the Interior is going to spend a billion dollars to “spruce things up.” Let’s hope there’s a sale in Target’s decorating aisle.
8. Who is Alan Jackson?
Mike Huckabee ponders, in the New York Times, what Mormons do and don’t believe. The exact quote: “Don’t Mormons believe that Jesus and the devil are brothers?”
I have no clue what Mormons believe. For that matter, I have no clue what Baptists believe. And I don’t really care. Let them pray and worship however they want, and I’ll pray and worship however I want.
But Mitt Romney’s response has to be one of the stupidest things I’ve read from him in some time, and it really makes me pity the poor panderer. Here’s his response, from Yahoo! News:
Asked if he believed Huckabee was speaking in a coded language to evangelicals, Romney praised his rival as a “good man trying to do the best he can,” but he added, “I don’t believe that the people of this country are going to choose a person based on their faith and what church they go to.”
As Seth and Amy would say (if there weren’t a writers strike on), really? Really, Mitt? You don’t believe that people of this country are going to choose a person based on their faith? Really? Where were you in 2000? And 2004? If that’s what he believes, I say good luck to him (he’s going to need it).
And for shits and giggles, here’s are Seth and Amy on Larry Craig. Priceless.
P.S. End the strike!!
Here’s a link to an aricle from SFGate.com regarding President Bush’s holiday pardons. Twenty-nine total, including “carjackers, drug dealers, a moonshiner and a violator of election laws.” Scooter Libby wasn’t pardoned, which didn’t surprise me. I’m thinking that Bush will wait until the 11th hour to pull that trigger.
Then there was this:
On the list this year was William Charles Jordan Jr., a 64-year-old retiree from Dover, Pa., who was pardoned for his role in a college and NFL football gambling ring that federal authorities shut down on Super Bowl Sunday in 1997.
And he’s hoping that his grandkids don’t ever figure out what Google is…
Jordan said he did not want his eight grandchildren to know he was a felon, so he obtained the necessary paperwork through his congressman. He learned Tuesday the pardon came through.
And he concludes…
“It’s a nice Christmas present,” Jordan said. “I didn’t know what the odds were on getting one. I just sent the stuff in and hoped.”
I think it’s kind of funny that a guy busted for a gambling ring is speculating on what “the odds were” that he’d be pardoned. Maybe he’s hinting around at a potential new gambling line in Vegas.
And so what about this Scooter Libby pardon… I’d say even money that he gets a walk, and I’d probably put a few bucks on it.
James Franco, looking totally hot and fucked up at the same time, stumbles through this MTV interview.
What I’m wondering is, where’s his personal assistant? All it takes is for the PA, after seeing him give his first answer, scootching over to him and, if he’s got a stand-off-ish relationship with his boss, saying, “Boss, you need to head back to your trailer for a moment to look at some things.” Or, if the PA’s got a good relationship with his boss, whispering, “Get your fucked-up ass back to your trailer now before you embarrass the be-Jesus out of yourself.”
Either way, this could have been avoided:
And by the way, Mr. Franco, drop me a line if you’re ever in the market for some decent assisting…
During this evening’s “Countdown with Keith Olbermann” on MSNBC there was a commercial for the “Doc Block.”
The “Doc Block” is two one-hour documentaries broadcast back-to-back most evenings on MSNBC. They generally center around prisons, prostitutes and predators. While it is mildly interesting seeing the motel that’s a couple of blocks from my apartment featured prominently on TV (”Ohh, look, it’s the hooker who’s always at the Wendy’s!”), I usually tune them out.
Anyway, here’s the commercial (forgive the crappy video):
And here’s the copy:
This December be of good cheer, it’s MSNBC’s recipe of premieres. A doc-feast so sweet it’s a month-long holiday treat. Colossal December premieres. All the ingredients to end your year. Seasons beatings from “Lock-Up: Extended Stay” to being naughty on “Conviction” day. Deck the halls, be jolly, ’tis the season to be “Born in the Wrong Body.” MSNBC’s Colossal December Premieres. So good it’ll scare the Dickens out of you.
Two things going on here that are wrong. One is all sorts of wrong, and the other is just plain stupid-wrong.
First, the stupid-wrong. The commercial claims that we’re in for “colossal December premieres,” but “Born in the Wrong Body” has already premiered, back in April. Wikipedia lists its broadcast date as April 22, 2007. And while MSNBC’s site does not specify its exact original air date, it does have a long (and interesting, I might add) article about the documentary that was updated on May 3, 2007. Additionally, there are a couple of blog posts and discussions about the show here and here.
Basically, not a premiere. Which makes me wonder why MSNBC would put it into a commercial and claim it was a premiere. Perhaps they were looking for something to rhyme with “jolly,” though I don’t think “body” is that good a choice.
But there’s also something that’s profoundly wrong with this commercial, specifically that final tag, the “it’ll scare the Dickens out of you.”
There are two great and informative episodes of This American Life featuring author Griffin Hansbury from back in 2002 and 2005 that capture very well the experience of being a transgender person (you can listen to the episodes for free here and here, they’re both quite good). I also lived in Provincetown for a short period, and became acquainted with a couple of people who are transgendered.
There are many adjectives that can be used to describe transgendered people. I’m not so sure “scary” would be on the list, and I certainly don’t think a documentary about five transgender youths will “scare the Dickens” out of me. And I think it’s pretty nasty of MSNBC to imply that it will.
Oddly, I can’t seem to find any listing on MSNBC’s site for when the show will actually air. Guess I’ll just have to tune in to the Doc-Bloc every night and hope that it’s not rioting prisoners or dogs that attack or pervy men trying to bang teenage cheerleaders but rather some transgender kids to scare me, because that’s what I’m looking for in my holiday programming.
I’m watching the New England Patriots/Baltimore Ravens game right now (go Pats!), and remembered that I had wanted to post this short video from the November 19 Denver Broncos/Tennessee Titans game.
I hate you guys…